Youth referees - and why we don't have any.

[rich]

This weekend one of my U15 players was refereeing a U11 Development match. At the end of the game, parents from the visiting team (who won, btw..) confronted him in the parking lot, yelling at him about a goal he correctly ruled off for offside.

They actually surrounded his mom's car, and one tried to open the door to talk to him. A bunch of home parents tried to get the others to go away, so this kid is sitting in the car, watching adults yell at each other and at him.

The opposing coach said to his mom that he did a fine job, and there were no problems, but apparently did not do enough to control his parents. The home coach stepped in and, being a very large man, managed to get everyone backed off.

The confrontation was still going on when the ref and his mom left the lot. He doesn't want to referee anymore.

What is it going to take to stop this bull crap from happening? It's despicable. Reports go unnoticed, or unresponded to, and nothing happens. We're not going to keep our kids refereeing.

/end rant (until next time)

 

[southsloper]

What shameful behaviour! I certainly wouldn't tolerate my kid being bullied by a parent (My U14 daughter just passed the Small Sided Refereeing course). Thankfully we haven't seen too much of this behaviour at either of my 2 girl's matches so far.

I'd be interested to hear if the league for that U11 "development" team has any rules & punishment for such behaviour beyond a slap on the wrist.

 

[easoccer]

The boy should file a report that requires the coach to indetify the parents involved. If not he should carded. Then those parents should be brought into a discipline hearing.

I had a parent called a Ref "shitty" after a game. Sure enough I had to sit through a meeting and was warned that if I couldnt control my parents I would have to put up a bond.

 

[WTF]

This weekend one of my U15 players was refereeing a U11 Development match. At the end of the game, parents from the visiting team (who won, btw..) confronted him in the parking lot, yelling at him about a goal he correctly ruled off for offside.

They actually surrounded his mom's car, and one tried to open the door to talk to him. A bunch of home parents tried to get the others to go away, so this kid is sitting in the car, watching adults yell at each other and at him.

The opposing coach said to his mom that he did a fine job, and there were no problems, but apparently did not do enough to control his parents. The home coach stepped in and, being a very large man, managed to get everyone backed off.

The confrontation was still going on when the ref and his mom left the lot. He doesn't want to referee anymore.

What is it going to take to stop this bull crap from happening? It's despicable. Reports go unnoticed, or unresponded to, and nothing happens.

If this happened in Surrey then it will just be a slap on the wrist . A coach is responsible for the behaviour of himself , his players and his parents !

 

[Broxi Bear]

Tragic.

It is despicable Rich.

How are we to encourage better reffing at higher levels if we discourage kids at this age with this type of stuff?
Unbelievable...
We have to develop them too along with the players and stuff like this has to be severely dealt with.

That coach at a minimum should suspend the parents to set an example.

 

[easoccer]

If this happened in Surrey then it will just be a slap on the wrist . A coach is responsible for the behaviour of himself , his players and his parents !

I think Rich is from Tsawassen so most likely his son is reffing in his district.

 

[rich]

Not my son! I'm one of those crazy people who do this without having kids involved

I'm waiting for a reply back from the visiting club, who are "looking into it"

 

[easoccer]

Not my son! I'm one of those crazy people who do this without having kids involved

I'm waiting for a reply back from the visiting club, who are "looking into it"

Sorry player from your team.

 

[rich]

I get to give all of them back at the end of each game or practice

Means I can mutter to myself on the drives home, and only sound crazy to myself!

 

[TKBC]

It sounds like an email went to the club of the parents who approached the ref and his mother. That's not sufficient in my opinion. A letter should be drafted and submitted to the district and cc: BCSA Discipline/Ref Committee. It's been my experience with BCSA that they do watch and monitor these situations, and do respond in a timely fashion, usually with helpful advice.

The parents should be given a 1 game ban. None of this "fair warning" stuff. They are parents of players, and thus know exactly how they would respond if some parent approached and verbally assaulted their kid.

I say this as a former teen ref myself. I say this also as a coach who was suspended for yelling at a ref - but thankfully it was in men's! LOL, no kids present. (tho I had a run-in with a few ref's in youth soccer too - but all of them were adults, except one kid ref who called a game 5 minutes short in each half and didn't believe me when I was showing him the rules! *sigh*)

I hate to be this specific, but if this kid is any good, he shouldn't quit. And while no kid should be approached over a youth game like this, it's possible he honestly isn't good and is partially to blame for temperatures getting to so high. (I am actually thinking of a specific "top" men's FVSL ref lol)

I reffed plenty of u11-u16 games. Never had a single issue except one very brief "discussion" with a parent/coach. Parents and coaches do not get upset if ref's are fair, and consistent. To achieve this ref's should know that communication with coaches pre-game, and players in-game is their best friend. Be clear, fair, and friendly.

 

[Liam Abreo]

That's a depressing start to a reffing career. Now currently I'm 15 and entering my 3rd year of refereeing this season. I've done up to u14 gold center boys games and AR on u18 metro boys games and I've never seen it come this bad of a situation. The kid should let everything go and only take positive thoughts in because that's what I've done the past year. It's really worked for me because I can do any game and still have loads of confidence.

 

[Prem g.]

Yeah I've ARd and reffed a ton of games in the last few seasons ( ar metro and center gold) and I've never had to deal with that before, must've been terrible.

 

[FromtheNer]

It sounds like an email went to the club of the parents who approached the ref and his mother. That's not sufficient in my opinion. A letter should be drafted and submitted to the district and cc: BCSA Discipline/Ref Committee. It's been my experience with BCSA that they do watch and monitor these situations, and do respond in a timely fashion, usually with helpful advice.

The parents should be given a 1 game ban. None of this "fair warning" stuff. They are parents of players, and thus know exactly how they would respond if some parent approached and verbally assaulted their kid.

I say this as a former teen ref myself. I say this also as a coach who was suspended for yelling at a ref - but thankfully it was in men's! LOL, no kids present. (tho I had a run-in with a few ref's in youth soccer too - but all of them were adults, except one kid ref who called a game 5 minutes short in each half and didn't believe me when I was showing him the rules! *sigh*)

I hate to be this specific, but if this kid is any good, he shouldn't quit. And while no kid should be approached over a youth game like this, it's possible he honestly isn't good and is partially to blame for temperatures getting to so high. (I am actually thinking of a specific "top" men's FVSL ref lol)

I reffed plenty of u11-u16 games. Never had a single issue except one very brief "discussion" with a parent/coach. Parents and coaches do not get upset if ref's are fair, and consistent. To achieve this ref's should know that communication with coaches pre-game, and players in-game is their best friend. Be clear, fair, and friendly.

What is this statement all about that I highlighted in red. Unless you know all the facts about the situation you should not make comments like this. You are just as bad as the parents who approached him and his mom. Oh and by the way the opposing coach apologized for his parents behavior and told the kid he did a very good job that day. Here is a quote from the ref's mom

"The Surrey coach came up to me to tell me that ___ did a great job and not issue with him"

I agree with you about the suspensions and any other discipline the parents or club should be handed but let's keep the young refs in the game with constructive criticism not assuming they are not good enough because of a bunch of irresponsible parents . And yes I am from the same club as the ref and have been coaching for 17 years and have seen my fair share of crazy parents and coaches.

 

[TKBC]

@FromtheNer - never said the ref was not good enough fella. Please re-read the sentence. (you'll note in the very next sentence - which appears you ignored - I was saying that I was actually thinking of a certain adult ref). There are refs out there that simply are not good. Just like the kids who play the game - some are good, some are not. Not everyone can be good at reffing.

My point is the parents absolutely have no business doing anything even close to resembling what apparently happened. But, that doesn't mean the ref himself didn't have a poor match.

 

[FromtheNer]

@FromtheNer - never said the ref was not good enough fella. Please re-read the sentence. (you'll note in the very next sentence - which appears you ignored - I was saying that I was actually thinking of a certain adult ref). There are refs out there that simply are not good. Just like the kids who play the game - some are good, some are not. Not everyone can be good at reffing.

My point is the parents absolutely have no business doing anything even close to resembling what apparently happened. But, that doesn't mean the ref himself didn't have a poor match.

I did read all of your message and more than once before I commented. You start the paragraph "I hate to be specific" about he kid referee but the way it is written and the way it can be interpreted it is that you are talking about the young referee. Read it without the part----
(I am actually thinking of a specific "top" men's FVSL ref lol) I hope you see what I mean. It comes across as you may be blaming the kid if he isn't good enough and he let the temperature get to high regardless if you are thinking about someone else.


At the end of the day this kind of crap has to stop in all youth sports and for that matter all sports. BC SOCCER is doing a full investigation and has written to the ref and his family and hopefully he is feeling better about the situation and continues to ref for a long time. I would hate to see a kid quit something because of some over zealous, irresponsible parents who only see winning is the only option. This whole thing is over an offside call that was called and a goal being called off. So the losing teams parents seem to think they have the right to berate a 15 year old kid after the game in the parking lot.
DISGUSTING!!

 

[Ryan]

Sounds like this incident is an exception. BC Soccer should be wary of initiating a zero tolerance rule. Some coaches will take advantage of the referees short comings leaving the other coaches vulnerable to discipline for pointing out a series of miscalls. Without proper mentoring for both the referees and coaches on proper etiquette for these situations, your clubs volunteer board will find themselves with a long list of discipline cases.

All that said, surrounding the kid at his car sounds more like hockey than soccer! Lets all remember its a game played for fun at this age.

 

[rich]

Absolutely should be zero tolerance for abuse of officials, especially those officials who are minors. This particular team's coach and parents have been called to a hearing with BC Soccer.

 

[Ryan]

Zero tolerance for an undefined "abuse" term is not manageable. Extreme cases like this should go to a discipline hearing. Minor issues should be dealt with by an accepted set of etiquette or process taught to both the coaches and referees. There is a middle ground here somewhere.

 

[rich]

Minor incidents (whatever they are) should be dealt with by the club, based on referees reports. Younger referees need to know that they have the authority, and the backing of their club, to kick coaches off the field. Coaches are taught, reminded, taught again. Doesn't seem to help them. Also terrible lack of control of their sidelines.

I would say surrounding a 14 year old in the parking lot post game falls can easily be defined as abuse.

 

[Ryan]

Visible mentors go along way in getting coaches onside. Our young referees make mistakes, just like the players do. Knowing that they have someone there coaching them will help keep the coaches in line and make better officials. SFC had a wonderful mentor at a game this month. While the young referee made some mistakes, he gave her the knowledge and confidence to work through them and improve. You get what you pay for I guess.

I dont think anyone is debating that this extreme case was not abuse.